Allan Watched "The Untouchables"
One of the safer movies ever made, The Untouchables takes a can’t-miss premise and turns it into a rather boring snooze until it’s film-saving third act.
Gut Feeling
I waited a long time to finally watch The Untouchables, the 80’s caricature of a mob film directed by Brian De Palma. The safely-produced film lacks any of the risk taking or bite you would expect from one of better directors of the “New Hollywood” era, even if it moves along with enough momentum to make it very watchable. By the end, despite the riveting closing half hour, I decided I would have been fine having skipped it altogether.
Unchallenged Star-Studded Cast
In the beginning of the film, The Untouchables depends entirely on you caring about Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner), an FBI agent who is trying to bring down Al Capone (Robert De Niro) and his crime ring of booze hustlers during prohibition. Costner steers the film, but never gets too high or low as Ness, and it gives off a very bland tone that cannot be saved by the vamping, persistent score that makes the film feel very campy. Costner does shine in the final third, providing a heartbeat throughout the non-stop action of the climactic conclusion, which is the only part of the film that involves him I did not yawn through.
Then there is, of course, Sean Connery as Officer Jimmy Malone, whose performance is just as clichéd as the character’s name. Officer Malone is a lifer of the police force who never reached higher status because he played by the rules, etc. etc., you get where his character is headed. What made Connery an A-list star through and through, however, is that even in a role like this, he is a magnet for your eyes and does heighten even the most worn out scenes. In the end, even if you don’t care about Ness, you do care about Malone, and that connection is part of what makes the ending so visceral.
Phoning It In
Where do you begin with De Niro as Al Capone? You get the sense he showed up for one day, did his handful of scenes without ever even pretending to know what someone from Chicago sounds like, and took his cash and left. It’s still De Niro, so it is still entertaining, but it is part of the bigger issue I have with the film: there is no imagination. The film starts with him doing his best “big bad mob boss”, then goes to a predictable opening blast of a shop that explodes for not selling illegal booze, taking a young girl in the explosion, and it all falls flat. Even the attempt to make the little girl a catalyst for action is a nothingburger.
To think this was directed by the same guy who brought Carrie and Carlito’s Way to life is hard to believe. It reeks of 80’s fluff without the explosive violence and tension you get in Scarface or even Mission: Impossible. Maybe the goal was to hit a wider audience, which would explain why it is safe yet watchable, but for a film that has such great source material to pull from, it is quite benign.
Random Thoughts
Start from the opening notes of the painfully cheesy music in the opening credits, the score is a dud. It throws the tone off from the jump, and continues beneath the surface even when unneeded.
Kevin Costner from one scene to another goes from a gunslinger to a man who has never seen a gun before.
The unsung hero of the film is Andy Garcia, who plays the closet-Italian officer George Stone. He adds some of the few comedic moments of the film, and frankly should have been in double the amount of scenes. His first scene with Connery is a delight.
There is a scene where Ness runs into the house thinking his daughter has been stolen, pulls out his gun, sees her safe her room, and then just hugs her and holds her while still holding the gun! Holster that bad boy Ness. It is a real bizarre scene.
So many name drops, but you have to realize, they were untouchable!
Quick Hits:
How many times have I seen this movie?
First time!
Where was I watching it?
In my office after work while playing Madden.
Favorite trivia about the movie
A bridge that crosses the Missouri River in Great Falls, Montana was closed for 14 whole days in order to shoot what is one of the worst scenes I have ever seen (see least favorite part below).
Favorite part
The last half hour rocks. De Palma really shines in the subway scene shoot-out and throughout the action packed third act. It makes the movie worth it.
Least favorite part
The horseback scene on that damn bridge was so cringy. The dialog is a mess, the pep talk is awful, and the horses clearly hated Sean Connery. “Half the battle? Let’s talk about all the battle", is the worst line of any movie I have seen in years.
Would I recommend this movie?
Eh, I think you can skip it, but it is a mob movie that is easily consumed, and De Palma does flex at the end of it.
So What Does Allan Give It?
It was fine, One Thumbs Up, with an overall score of 59. If the ending wasn’t so good it would be in the thirties, but De Palma knows how to blow up a movie at the ened.
